For Christmas, please promise me that you will continue making my job of stealing your talk radio listeners under 45 easy in 2014 by doing 6 traffic reports an hour for your audience of largely 65+ shut-ins who can’t drive anymore.
Please make sure that humorless drones such as Mark Levin, John & Ken and Michael Savage take up as many hours of airtime as you can afford.
Please continue this recent trend of taking as few listener calls as possible (you can’t take what you don’t get).
And, because I’ve been very, very good, please make sure that no hour on the weekend is an actual show, rather that you will instead continue your practice of whoring out your weekends to the usual collection of snake oil salesmen, mortgage brokers, quack doctors, and psychics.
Finally, right in time for the holiday season at the end of each year, please be sure to lay the blame for your declining ratings, not on the upper management where it belongs, but on the little people at your stations like receptionists and board operators who don’t even know what the word “consolidation” means, and make sure they get no more than 15 minutes to pack years of memories into a cardboard box before they get shown the door one last time.
I love you, Radio.