Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction

sex spreadsheetThis appeared on Reddit:

TL;DR – My husband [M26] sent a rude, argumentative email as I [F26] was on the way to the airport for a 10-day work trip. It’s been 24hrs and he has responded to any of my texts or calls.

My husband [M26] and I [F26] have been together for 5 years, married for 2 of those years. We just bought a house 5 months ago. No kids yet. Our lives have been crazy busy though. We spent all spring renovating our new house. At my job I was given nearly double my usual workload after some of my colleagues were laid off. I gained some weight in the winter and have been busting my ass at the gym to get rid of it.

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.

This is a side of him I have never seen before – bitter, immature, full of hatred. In person, he’d been acting normal the whole time, maybe a little standoff-ish in the last week. Completely out of left field. Our sex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn’t that allowed? We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It’s not like our sex life was going to be this way FOREVER, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.

I immediately tried phoning him 3-4 times before getting on the plane – no answer. When I landed in my destination city, I tried calling 2 more times – no answer. I texted him saying we needed to talk, and he needed to call me at his earliest convenience. No response. He’s never intentionally ignored my communications before. I pretty much stayed inside my hotel all evening waiting by the phone, then cried myself to sleep.

It’s now morning and he still hasn’t contacted me. I am supposed to be out visiting clients for the next 9 days on behalf of my company, and I am an emotional wreck. Why is he putting me through this? What the hell am I supposed to do?

47 Responses to Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction

  1. Michael July 18, 2014 at 3:16 pm #

    Well played, but he should have ended it with “No worries though, I’ll just take care of it myself” and then ignored her for the remainder of her trip.

    #gamesetmatch

    • Sincerly July 20, 2014 at 1:06 pm #

      Not if he wants to stay married he shouldn’t!

      • Dan B. July 21, 2014 at 12:16 am #

        This story is just another real world demonstration that there is nothing in marriage for a man. Marriage is an immense liability to a man and there is no reason to do it ever in his life. Her denying you sex is only the beginning of the downward spiral.

        If I could talk with that guy, I’d tell him this is your perfect opportunity to get Adam Sacks ASAP and dump that dumb cunt! Today is the best it will ever be and every day forward it only gets worse because she gets more “empowered” to deny you sex now and then eventually everything else too. In just eight years, she will be able to destroy you and fleece you permanently with lifetime alimony and then you will be her indentured servant forever. That spreadsheet is all you need to know to get the fuck out now dude!

      • Liz July 21, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

        Well its better if divorces the bitch! She needs to be more clean! #crazybitch

  2. Guy July 18, 2014 at 3:32 pm #

    Dumb woman. The answer is more sex.

    • ResonableGuy July 18, 2014 at 7:12 pm #

      Dumb guy. The answer is get off your high horse.

      • Guy2 July 19, 2014 at 3:30 am #

        @ReasonableGuy (aka Mangina)

        The answer is satisfy his sexual needs and make it up to him, not leave him dry and frustrated.

      • Mike July 19, 2014 at 6:59 am #

        There’s always gotta be that white knight, huh? I’m guessing you’re taking the wife’s side?

      • Giovanni July 20, 2014 at 9:58 pm #

        “get off your high horse” – that is the kind of dumbass response which does not contain any logic or reasoning that a woman would make. I call either a mangina white knight or a woman commenting on here as a man. Same thing either way.

      • Truth July 21, 2014 at 3:12 pm #

        @ResonableGuy

        You are a pussy, I hope your GF cheats on you.

      • John July 21, 2014 at 7:21 pm #

        @ReasonableGuy
        Let’s hear your “alternative”. He wants sex. She knows he wants sex. Who the fuck told her she sets the tempo for what a man needs. Trainwreck in the making. She’s selfish and your unwillingness to call her on that is the only thing more disappointing than her.

      • jay-all-day July 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm #

        Your kidding me right?? The fact that she that it was NORMAL for it to taper off is the BRIGHTEST of red flags!!!! GET OUT NOW!!!! You dont have kids and you already see the future with this person. Ready…set…GO!!!!

  3. Dan July 18, 2014 at 8:56 pm #

    Dumb bitch… Think about it. He isn’t responding to your calls or returning them because that is essentially the way you treat him when he tries to initiate sex.

  4. mitch July 19, 2014 at 12:05 am #

    hes probably at home doing your sister and your best friends then ordering hookers for dessert DTB

    • Brandon July 24, 2014 at 9:19 am #

      You sir win comment of the year.

  5. me July 19, 2014 at 5:56 am #

    Ummmm…. He’s busy getting his brains fu€”*%# out of him. Duh

    • Liz July 21, 2014 at 3:35 pm #

      Good he needs to fuck someone who would appreciate this man!

      • John July 21, 2014 at 7:22 pm #

        @Liz – You’re awesome!

  6. capper July 19, 2014 at 6:19 am #

    why did she have to share this list with everyone? it seems like he’s not the only one not acting mature.

  7. Star July 19, 2014 at 7:33 am #

    If he has an issue to discuss, he should do it like an adult. His approach was a cruel means of messing with her job performance and their livelihood. He’s playing games like a child and if I were her I’d leave him. He’s obviously no good in bed anyway.

    • MGTOW July 19, 2014 at 8:37 am #

      Typical cunt, using shaming language against a man’s sexuality because she can’t think rationally.

      You have absolutely no idea what this guy has gone through, you only know the tail end of it. Do you think that this is only about the time that he has bothered to write it down and keep track, or maybe *gasp* it’s been going on for awhile and he’s finally tired of it? Maybe he’s actually attempted to talk to her in the past and she brushes it off? Maybe she’s just an unreasonable cunt like you? And maybe she, like you, has a ridiculously large vagina?

      I find it amusing that on one hand you say “he should do it like an adult” and then you go on to make unfounded shaming insults. The irony is strong in this one!

      • cheryl July 19, 2014 at 2:18 pm #

        Excellent reply ! Too bad we can’t give him Tom’s website. Hope he dumps that bitch.

      • Good Fights July 20, 2014 at 12:38 am #

        Typical misogynist, using insults that focus on the feminine and THEN you have the nerve to turn it around into an attack on HIM. And accusing her of being “irrational” when the subject is her sexual agency.

        “No idea what the guy has been going through” oh my god, he goes to bed with a boner and it’s the End of The World. It’s a marriage, it’s about give and take EXCEPT when it comes to your partner’s body. “He’s finally tired of it”? Sex is not a one way street, it takes at least two to ride down the road, and if both aren’t in agreement then their will be no movement.

        I see no shaming here, all i see is a guy finding out that the rest of the world isn’t sympathetic to his “problems” because they are not in fact, real problems.

      • Liz July 21, 2014 at 3:31 pm #

        LMAO! #fatcunt #nastycunt #cuntcuntcunt

    • Porter July 20, 2014 at 12:59 pm #

      haha that’s funny.
      The main problem here, as I see it, isn’t so much the sex: it’s the fact that he is feeling REJECTED. Obviously she is upset by this so that’s a good sign. Maybe now they can communicate about it because when one spouse stops wanting to have sex, it feels horrible (and YES, men reject their wives too). The fact that he is now ignoring her attempt to communicate is hostile. He is playing mind games with her and this is not the way to resolve anything. If anything, it will only put her on the defense, which will lead to her her being pissed off which will lead to even LESS sex-the opposite of what he wants.

    • mbiker July 20, 2014 at 5:44 pm #

      Star, I agree with you. I am a 40 year old healthy inshape male that has a stunning 24 year old I’ve been seeing for awhile. What this guy doesn’t get is a woman needs her man to show her that he appreciates her, makes her feel safe,, compliments her, maker her feel sexy no matter how she looks, and above all have control as a woman takes time to get turned on and in the mood more than men. This woman could of been on her period (I feel fat), turned off by his advancement (im watching my show), and so on. Letting her know she is hot, and being the man with control equals amazing sex. I am not talking about being a white night, kissing her ass, and buying her shit. I am talking about listening to a woman in what she is telling you goes along way. If you don’t, she will find someone who will. If she is still not giving it up after all that, then yes move on as women are like bus stops.

    • John July 21, 2014 at 7:26 pm #

      @Star
      You do realize that he didn’t go straight to the spreadsheet to raise his concerns. You can tell by the reddit comments that this woman put more energy in responding on reddit than she did in FUCKING HER man.

      She’s sad. Let them divorce, their separate ways and he can be her friend from afar – while he FUCKS someone who WANTS him.

      Marriage is not meant to satisfy on the whims of women who attempt to redefine both marriage and masculinity in to a form of female centric worship where women can do no wrong and can’t be spoken against lest the man be smited by her used tampon.

    • JMLZ August 2, 2014 at 8:26 am #

      “He’s playing games like a child…”

      No, he privately laid out the facts in black and white after months of being ignored. Her reaction is the childish one; overly emotional and published publicly to seek attention and validation.

      “…and if I were her I’d leave him.”

      I agree. Self centered women are not fit for marriage.

      “He’s obviously no good in bed anyway.”

      Then what in the fuck did she marry him for?!

  8. Drunkenfetus July 19, 2014 at 9:03 am #

    No good in bed? and yet she married him? ya both of them are idiots.. i dont know about you or anyone else out there but sex with the person i love would be the best relaxation after a hard days work you would ever want.

    She is just sad cause now she is scared he is cheating on her.

    • lemontart July 20, 2014 at 1:03 pm #

      Yea, that’s a GREAT way to get your wife to want to have sex with you- make her scared you’re cheating on her….that’s will do it…… Would you rather your wife have sex with you because she WANTS to or because she’s afraid if she doesn’t then you will cheat on her? SHe is attempting to communicate with him and he is blowing her off. They have bigger problems here than a lack of sex.

      • palladin9479 July 21, 2014 at 6:47 am #

        Actually that’s exactly how to get her to fuck your brains out. It’s known as dread game and is second only to preselection in generating attraction. Right now she’s sitting there thinking what he is doing and her imagination is dreaming up all sorts of shit. She’s imagining her fucking every reasonably attractive girl she’s ever seen smile at him, she’s imagining him divorcing her (rejecting her), she’s even imaging him getting with that hot 19yo girl down the street. In reality he could be sitting at home scratching his nuts and playing video games, but her mind will always assume the worst which will generate large amounts of emotional investment and attraction.

        The absolute worst thing for him to do is to try to “communicate” with her. That is just an opportunity for her to shame his masculinity and attempt to manipulate him emotionally. Best for him to take several days of no-contact to center himself for the ensuing power struggle when she returns. He needs to come to be prepared to leave her and demonstrate through action (not more fucking talking) that he is going to do that, UNLESS she immediate submits to him sexually. Sounds evil but it’s the harsh reality of male and female relationships. Women will always, without fail, try to take power from the man in a relationship and they accomplish this primarily through sex. A man’s primary weapon is his commitment, his choice to stay with her. When a man marries he gives that weapon up but in modern society the women still retains her weapon, this creates a situation of uneven power. The man must reestablish her power by demonstrating he has options and will exercise those options if he’s not kept happy.

        Welcome to the battlefield created by third wave feminism and the destruction of the traditional family unit / gender roles. We’ve returned to our primal origins.

        • John July 21, 2014 at 7:28 pm #

          @Palladin9479

          That’s the truest comment about this I’ve ever seen. Only the Professor himself says it better. These women know we want sex when we show up. They actually think they can alter that and be respected. Bitches…..

  9. Confidenceman July 20, 2014 at 8:30 am #

    Every one of those excuses put into the wife speak translator comes back as,”I don’t want to have sex with you, because I am not attracted to you.” So what did this husband do? A passive aggressive, middle-school gesture that further reduces his attractiveness to her. She is a security seeking creature. His action works against creating security. Being a cuddle bitch works against building security too. Be a husband who leads; a man who goes about getting what he wants authentically and with integrity. This problem is an opportunity. Solving problems with integrity and an absence of emotional drama are attractive to a woman.

    • mbiker July 20, 2014 at 5:48 pm #

      right on! Couldn’t agree with you more.

    • palladin9479 July 21, 2014 at 6:53 am #

      Bullshit. She has a dual mating strategy and right now he’s purely in the “provider” category which is why she doesn’t want to fuck him. Playing to her desire for security will only put himself FURTHER into the provider category. If he wants sex he’ll need to be in the lover category which means he needs to start running game and building SMV.

      It’s obvious that her attraction has went UP not down from his actions. Before she never game him the time of day and treated him worse then a pet, now she’s crying herself to sleep wondering if he’s fucking the hot 19yo chick from down the road. Right now she wants nothing more then for him to fuck her brains out and validate her need to be wanted.

      Why else do you think sex dies down after marriage? It’s cause the women feel “secure” in having their provider, of course now she’s gotta go find a lover to make a baby with.

      • John July 21, 2014 at 7:31 pm #

        Hell yeah. Bottomline: Equality means women run the same risks as men. One such risk we mean run is this: WE MAY NOT MEASURE UP. Ladies, you’re equal now. That means YOU MAY NOT MEASURE EITHER. Welcome to gender equality.

    • Robert July 22, 2014 at 1:51 am #

      He needs to dump her

      This is just more evidence that there is no benefit to a man to get married.
      Another 5 years and she will be over the hill any way.
      Might as well get out now that she is being a bitch.

  10. Edward Snipes July 21, 2014 at 7:53 am #

    Be for real, ladies, if you have issues, with pleasure, let me know, there are alturnitives measures, trust in honesty, i cant please you if you dont tell me, dont make me out to be the bad guy, because u have issues

  11. Angeln Disguise July 21, 2014 at 10:07 am #

    I just read the entire write up. Here’s the thing. She is valuing losing weight more than satisfying him. She should ask him what does he value more right now. Her losing weight or him getting some.

  12. Rebs July 21, 2014 at 11:31 am #

    Where is her libido?
    I think if you don’t use it, you will lose it.
    I think his letter was passive aggressive. Address it face to face. Be calm, be smart, and have a discussion.
    BUT I think he figured that if he said it to her face, she’d argue him down, or shut him down some way .
    He is an average man who wants to have sex. Does he have to? No.
    Men often feel that if their woman isn’t having sex with him, that she probably doesn’t love him; she doesn’t want to be touched by him, caressed by him… why not?
    Have sex with your husband. If he needs to do a better job at arousing you, tell him.
    Communication is everything.

  13. trycatchthis July 21, 2014 at 11:57 am #

    Notice how resolutely against this guy behavior the women are.

    https://www.facebook.com/HuffPostWomen/posts/690273537707369

    “If his approach is as pathetic as his reaction i can see why she’d rather watch Friends reruns”

    “Maybe if he wasn’t asking for it every freaking day!”

    “I bet if he respected her as a person a little more she’d be willing alot more often.”

    “She has a right to say no whenever she wants. She doesn’t owe him sex, even if they are married. No woman owes sex to anyone.”

    “Because “I DON’T WANT TO” is NEVER good enough! How hard is that to fucking understand? I. Don’t. Want. To. There doesn’t have to be any other reason than that.”

    “Men are not entitled to sex EVER.”

  14. Liz July 21, 2014 at 3:34 pm #

    The bitch put her business out there #attentionwhore

  15. R.A.R. July 21, 2014 at 5:25 pm #

    OK. After reading all of these comments after reading this post…

    They are both children. Adults talk this crap out.
    They renovated a house. Who is to say that she hasn’t been working on the place all day, after hitting the gym, and work? I know I would be an exhausted mess after that. This is an excuse that comes up not just by myself, but by my husband as well who has a very physically demanding job, and hits the gym afterwards. Sometimes you are just tired. *shrugs*
    If it is a program, then he isnt trying enough. Who is to say that he didnt just say. “You wanna have sex?” She says “Not right now, I want to finish this program.” He leaves it at that instead of actually making her interested?
    This happens in my relationship constantly. I am not interested, and he is. What does he do? He actually does things that make me interested! When a woman would rather watch a program than have sex, it is because she is thinking Sex… Meh Too tired.
    As far as being hot, sweaty, gross…. Ok honey… let’s get you into that shower and I can show you how clean you can really be.
    As women age, they feel that they are less desirable by their partners because everything is geared for men to be attracted to youth. Dont believe me? Hop on netflix and watch “Are all men pedophiles?” Excellent program.

    The fact that she posted this for all the world to see is shameful towards her. You do not air your dirty laundry to the public. She clearly was not raised appropriately.

  16. James July 21, 2014 at 6:58 pm #

    I love sex, which is why I’ll never get married.

  17. John July 21, 2014 at 7:33 pm #

    Jesus….It’s simple. Fuck or get the fuck out. Discussion over.

  18. Steven Ransom July 21, 2014 at 7:54 pm #

    Some men will turn away from sex rather than have sex that is not fulfilling to them. Lack of fulfillment can be related to specific things that his partner does during sex or how he experiences his partner’s body. He may feel criticized or treated unfairly. It may just seem like too much “work.” He may have sexual interests that he knows or fears his partner may not share.

    When there are interpersonal difficulties between the members of a couple, many men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner’s advances. Some men punish their partner by withholding sex, but for others it’s not a matter of punishment, they just cannot muster sexual feelings when there are unresolved conflicts.

    Stress comes in many forms and may stem from: financial difficulties, personal or family member illness, challenges at work, parenting dilemmas, and issues involving extended family members. Of course, there are many more sources of stress.

    Difficulties functioning sexually. Many men who have an erection dysfunction or believe that they ejaculate too soon — or too late (if at all), will avoid having sex with their partner. Rather than face what feels like another experience of “failure” in our performance-obsessed culture, these men choose to avoid being sexual at all.

    When partnered with a man who does not want sex, the optimal path does not include criticism, belittling, or slurs on his manhood. Armed with accurate information and professional help, most of these causes of sexual avoidance can be greatly improved and in many cases removed altogether.

  19. Keith Cameron July 22, 2014 at 4:41 am #

    This fellow should cut his loses and either put her shit on the curbing before she gets home or pack his bags and go start a new life. This relationship is already beyond salvage. No kids to quibble about or emotionally damage in the process, only the house to dispose of: Get out now brother while you can.

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