By Tom Leykis, blowmeuptom.com. My most important blog of the year.
THE 11 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DATING A HOT, YOUNG BABE VS. A WASHED-UP, WRINKLED OLD TWAT
- A hot, young babe doesn’t really know yet what she’s got to offer. Hot and fresh and young and perfect as she looks, she frets all the time about whether guys will “like” her and whether she is too fat…which we won’t dissuade her from believing. A washed-up, wrinkled old twat has had sex with every boy in town back in the day, sometimes twice, and once her eggs are in short supply and her looks begin to fade, she will say that she’s “had her fun” and that she is now “ready to settle down.” One problem: no one wants to “settle” for a car with 175,000 miles on the odometer.
- A hot, young babe has nothing to say about anything of substance. Besides, who can hold an intelligent conversation with my dick constantly in her mouth? A washed-up, wrinkled old twat has frown wrinkles from years of stuffing every cock in her mouth that she could get back in the days of Bon Jovi, all the while ignoring the plethora of “nice guys” who were all around her, but who she says “don’t exist” in the 21st Century now that her looks have faded.
- A hot, young babe doesn’t question anything we say. Everything we say is right! And funny! And cute! A washed-up, wrinkled old twat is constantly looking to flaunt her self-proclaimed “intelligence,” saying that men are “threatened” by her “smarts.” The twat is always looking for the flaws in every declarative sentence we utter. Her favorite phrases are “you think you’re funny” and “fuck you!” She can’t figure out why we prefer “those stupid bimbos.” Then, in the next sentence, she says that men “hate women.” We don’t “hate women.” We hate twats.
- A hot, young babe wears 2-piece swimsuits because she knows we love them. Then, she worries that she doesn’t look good enough. And we let her believe that. A washed-up, wrinkled old twat wears a 1-piece if she wears a swimsuit at all, and doesn’t care in the least if men find her attractive. Then, she sits on the beach taking shots at every hot chick in a bikini that walks by. After hours of disparaging every hot, young babe that she can, the washed-up, wrinkled old twat says that “men don’t respect women.” In actuality, we respect women…who have tight bodies with no stretch marks. And, who shut the fuck up.
- A hot, young babe does anything in bed that we desire because she is afraid that we will dump her if she doesn’t, and we just might. A washed-up, wrinkled old twat offers up sex on a platter as a loss leader, just as my local supermarket offers 6-packs of Coke for 99 cents to get me in the door. Then, once we’re inside, she slowly but surely withdraws from regular sex, telling us that she’s “so tired” from using that superior brain of hers all day, or that anal sex is demeaning to women. By the way, anal sex, is painful, degrading and demeaning to women. But only if we do it right.
- A hot, young babe sends us topless selfies taken in her bathroom, but only after taking 300 shots to get one at just the right angle. A washed-up, wrinkled old twat uses her smartphone for doing spreadsheets and reading feminist blogs where she posts comments about her frustration at not being able to meet “a real man.”
- A hot, young babe puts out quickly for fear that you will get laid by someone else who is younger and thinner than she is. A washed-up, wrinkled old twat put out for everyone in 1999, and now she’s saving herself for the first man stupid enough to impregnate her and to split parenting responsibilities.
- A hot, young babe speaks and acts as if she has Down Syndrome. Because she waited too long to reproduce, a washed-up wrinkled old twat pops out babies who do have Down Syndrome.
- A washed-up, wrinkled old twat bemoans the “lack of equality” between men and women. A hot, young babe doesn’t have to worry about equality because she can usually get whatever she wants. In reality, the lack of equality is between babes and twats. The twats hate them for it. Then, the twats accuse men of hating women.
- A hot, young babe is unlikely to even know about this blog because she is busy rollerblading or working on looking perfect so guys will “like” her. The washed-up, wrinkled old twat knows all about this blog because the other unwanted, dried-up twats have alerted her to it and are alerting all the other unwanted twats who “want a man, not a boy” to impregnate them and accept them with their hyphenated last names, bitchy attitudes and “superior” intelligence.
- Show this blog to a hot, young babe and she will laugh out loud. Show this blog to a washed-up, wrinkled old twat and she will threaten a bullying lawsuit.
It would be a shame if you shared this blog on Twitter, Facebook, and on other blogs and websites. Seriously.
This is one of the best articles I have ever read in my life. Not many have the balls to speak the truth so raw and unapologetic (and it is truth by the way).
Love it! Remember to go to the El Torito happy hour to find those 21 year old dental receptionists. Backhanded compliments and gaslighting comments ready.
Spreading the tight labia of a hot young babe is like slowly slicing into fresh, seared Ahi.
Spreading the meat curtains of a washed-up, wrinkled old twat is like opening a crusty grilled cheese sandwich.
As you read your blog, me and my son were laughing hard. This is great! It is so true! The funniest shit was the old wrinkle twat wearing a one piece bathing suit and don’t care how they look! LMAO! I enjoyed that monologue!
This blog was genius for the most part dad. I am grateful that men have the representation and voice through you to respond to that bitch’s garbage. I shared your blog with people on social networking and also put the bullshit blog that bitch did so there was contrast and just hope the firestorm blazes on.
this is awesome. I love it how “twat” is used unapologetically. I work in R&D, where there is a lack of vaginas walking around, so i can freely read this blog and implement verbal/written “obscene” English freely and unapologetically.
Hilariously honest! “Twat”-what a great word to describe the all done having fun broads.
Just Brilliant Tom!!!! I just twitted this and posted it on my FB page…”BUT” with a warning to any of my females friends who are easily offended. My married pal has a kid that has…downs, so I just wanted to soften the blow 😉 … so… ooooh boy.
There is no indication this woman is even in a relationship currently, so her whole article is based on wishes and fantasies for some ideal man that she has built up in her head, yet remains unattainable for her. I would bet everything I own that the most frequent fulfillment this woman gets comes courtesy of the Duracell’s D batteries in her vibrator, not an actual man with his own perspective and his own ideas.
Tom, your “wrinkled up twat” guidelines should be engraved onto a brass plaque and mailed directly to this woman at her home. Can we launch a kickstarter camnpaign tonight to get this underway?
“A washed-up, wrinkled old twat offers up sex on a platter as a loss leader, just as my local supermarket offers 6-packs of Coke for 99 cents to get me in the door. Then, once we’re inside, she slowly but surely withdraws from regular sex, telling us that she’s “so tired” from using that superior brain of hers all day, or that anal sex is demeaning to women. ”
So true… that I’m living it. Except mine cut off anal sex after Farrah Fawcett died from anal cancer citing the risk of contracting HPV anally and getting anal cancer… Needless to say she enjoyed anal and orgasmed far more readily, but that didn’t trump her need of control or her out of control anxiety over everything and anything, and what most be a very oppressed sexuality from the early days of her childhood.