Good Morning, Ladies!

I want to say “Good Morning!” to the girls who have once again renewed my faith in my own principles.

Just when Your Professor thinks he might be softening even slightly in his hard line against marriage and most relationships, you gals are like a cold slap in the face and you make me realize that I am saying and doing exactly the right things. Teaching the right things too.

The following chicks (unnamed, to avoid the usual frivolous lawsuits) are all real people who I have known at some point. God help the next sucker who plucks (or has already plucked) these girls out of the Tom Leykis Recycle Bin:

• Good morning to the unbelievably beautiful Colombian chick in Orange County who needs a green card. The one who would let me see her naked and sleep in the same bed with me, but who would stop at some point after we got down to business. The one who I put on ice. The one who now sends me links to her Facebook page so I can look at literally hundreds of pictures of her new anchor baby. No boyfriend or husband,  mind you. Just a 31-year-old illegal alien and her half-American kid. Now, I see why I could never close the deal here. If only I hadn’t pulled out a condom!
• Good morning to the hot, young blond attorney who won’t stop calling me. The one who kept asking me “where our relationship is going” incessantly shortly after she started having sex with me. The one who later told me that she had met a guy and, in just one weekend, he told her that he “loved” her. The one who said to “never call this number or send me an email again” because she was now “in love.” The one who called me six months later in tears because her “boyfriend” took her on a camping trip with his friends and he and the friends made her feel left out of the conversation. So she went back to her tent and used her cell phone behind the Love Of Her Life’s back to call Guess Who? “You never treated me like that,” she said. “That’s why he’s still there and I’m not,” I told her. “You love being treated like shit!”  Amazingly, shortly after returning from her camping trip she showed up knocking at my front door because “she needed to talk.” She came in and, in no time flat, ended up fucking me behind her boyfriend’s back. A little revenge sex, and I was happy to oblige. Then, the next day, knowing how much she loves to be treated like shit, I told her “never call this number or email me again.” And, guess what? She still calls me. I don’t answer. Checked her Facebook page and she has still another “boyfriend.” If you’re out there, sir, your “girlfriend” calls me behind your back looking for my attention. She is in such denial, she’ll never believe that it’s HER that I’m writing about! And think about this: this attorney has clients! If onlythey knew!
• Good morning to the large roster of chicks I have known over the years who start up chats with me online, asking various questions such as “who are you seeing?” and “how often do you get to______? (fill in the blank: Orange County, San Diego, etc.)” only to see them suddenly stop for some strange reason in mid-chat. A quick check of the Facebook pages of virtually every one of them shows scads of baby photos, or that their interests include “Loving My Hubby.”  Those poor, stupid fucks.
• Good morning to the half Mexican/half Italian chick with the unimaginably large breasts who recently resurfaced after a long absence as if nothing ever happened. Sweetie, did you think I wouldn’t look at your Facebook page and see that you have a new last name? Does Mr. Last Name know how much you love Facebook? Or that your collection of bikini photos is larger than ever? Isn’t Love Wonderful?
• Good morning to the variety of chicks I once dated who invite me to their suburban backyard barbecues or holiday parties. “He’s just like you! You guys will get along great!” He’s nothing like me. He agreed to pay your bills!  By the way, why are women so anxious to introduce the guys they’ve fucked in the past to the guys who are paying their bills today? Is there some kinky thrill in that? “Honey! This is my friend Tom!” Have some respect for the sucker who bought you that Kia Sedona. Leave your past behind! They can’t or just won’t!
• Good morning to the gals who’ve fucked me, got tired of waiting for a commitment, then settled for someone else stupid enough to buy instead of to lease. These are the girls who then call mesurreptitiously looking for relationship advice! You know who you are. You’re kidding, right ladies? “Hello, Satan…..?” I am still getting these calls and emails.
• Good morning to the Mexican freak in the San Fernando Valley who stopped fucking me, telling me that she “needs more of a commitment,” then wantonly fucked several others, all the while calling me to see “where my head was at.” Here is where my head is at: if you fuck others but not me, there will never, ever be a relationship. Why would you think otherwise, you stupid fucked-up slut?

I have to stop now and I am not even half done.This blog is not being posted for the benefit of the girls in question. It’s being posted for you stupid fucks who are in love with someone who they think is as pure as the driven snow. Today’s women are scandalous, which should be obvious to you when their idols are Lindsay Lohan, the Kardashians, and Snooki.

Look boys, I’m not telling you not to get laid. I am telling you not to talk yourself into believing that today’s women are something they’re not. “Falling in love” and getting into “committed relationships” are a fool’s game. Women who are good for those purposes are few and far between. And the women you love so much who act like sluts in bed weren’t born that way. They were made that way. By guys like me. Who they’re still calling behind your back.